DISCOVER THE POWER OF SOFTNESS
What if softness was way more powerful than it
seems ? For the psychologist and philosopher Anne Dufourmantelle, it is
urgent to grasp its scope. Here are practical advices to experience it to the
fullest.
The story takes place during the First World War. An
Italian hides in the mountain with his men, with the order to defend a mountain
pass. On night, he hears a group move. The German are very close. By lack of
supplies and ammunitions, it will be hard to resist them. Without warning
anybody, he ventures towards the enemy camp. Half way through, he hears a song rise
from a record player. Upset, he decides to move uncovered, a surrender sign in
his hand. He is captured and brought to the German officer. The record still
plays. The two men know the recitative. They speak all night. The Italian
explains the situation. The following day, the German releases him. He never
gave the assault order, letting time to his enemies to move away and escape
him…This story is true she has been told by Anne Dufourmantelle in her latest
book. It’s a story of softness.
REVIEW YOUR VOCABULARY
“ Our society is of a shocking
brutality. To depreciate better, it qualifies the values related to softness of
“prettiness”, the philosopher notices. It distorts these values as a kind of
sweet candy thing.” Ask yourself the
question, feel the difference. Softness, is it this pink climate painted in
honey and light? No, softness is subtlety, refinement, elegance. It is not
kindness, as it isn’t a moral value. It isn’t docility – soft doesn’t mean
obedient, or dull. It isn’t an idea, or an emotion, but an innate fleshy,
immanent experience – we instinctively know that something is soft. Then why
consider it as a weakness? Think it over
: toughness seems to give a status, but is is really the case? “ Answer to
anger with anger, strength by strength, is very childish” underlines Anne
Dufourmantelle. Softness moves and emancipates. Because it doesn’t give in to
passion, nor display, it is sometimes subversive. Look at Gandhi, Mandela, King
: their positioning shows softness can be a power and an ethic.
MAKE THE CHOICE OF SOFTNESS
Faced with a situation, what do we decide to see,
how do we decide to behave? This choice belongs to us, it confronts us to our
part of shadows. “True softness contains in itself the seed of brutality, Anne
Dufourmantelle confirms. If it is only passivity or a systematic escape from
conflict, it is a psychological handicap.” Its interest lies in this subtle
balance, the small thread which holds it, the constant vigilance it requires. “
Whether it is the highest expression of sensitivity and in each moment, may
disappear.” When it is preferred to an option for violence, she is the
intention of good….
Thus,
let’s go. Eyes closed, comfortably settled, let’s meditate
every morning and evening on the moments of delicateness and caring which have
fed us. Let’s visualize and feel. What have they brought us? How do they shine
still? Or contrarily, when did we feel we lack of such moments? What were the
consequences? Then let’s tell us that we
will reopen to softness. Perceive it, welcome it and spread it. Choose
attention, listening and relationship…Even if this may get us prone to get into
a codependence well understood – we all have something to gain from it. “An
urgent choice, as most traumas find their origins in a lack of softness.” the
psychologist reminds.
LET
THE CHARM ACT
And then? Managed, nurtured, softness has an impact
in proportion to what it seems to be. Read again Rimbaud, Baudelaire, you’ll
see how their poetry shape shift the roughness of reality. Anchored in every
day life, softness has the power to transcend the order of the every day
living…Experience it, isn’t it sometimes to feel as being in fusion mind to
mind, energy to energy, with a being, a situation, an atmosphere? Isn’t it
suddenly feel inhabited with a self confidence , a feeling of wholeness, a
truth…”From what doesn’t shown in the
appearance of things and phenomenon, what escapes from any endeavor even when
it is given”. There you are : softness is the” suavity of the ineffable”,
the clue to a subtle plan, “a divine part in us”, blend of power and caring.”
So let’s move forward : by widening our consciousness, sometimes in upsetting
them to make place to softness, we pave the way to a “homecoming to ourselves,
which is to say, with what crosses and creates the foundation of a life, an
idea of justice, a way to love and give” to grasp the essence of the world.
EXPERIENCE
IT
The stroke of an early morning. A piece of butter,
melting on a toast. Grass under your feet, fresh water on your face. A bird
song. A child’s laughter, his skin against yours. A shawl you wrap yourself in.
The dance of a flame, a cat’s walk, the curve of a sculpture, two eyes
crossing. A dish cooking, cooked by a closed one. The resource in ourselves to
say with tact difficult things. The sudden peace of a person about to let out
his last breath…See how, when looking at
it closely, softness is everywhere it is perceptible in the sensitive
relationship with everything. Its power doesn’t play out in the big resolution,
but in the way we look at our environment, take an object, approach a
stranger…”God dwells in the details…”Anne Dufourmantelle confirms. Experience
it. Are you reading? Feel the softness of paper, the whisper of the pages as
you turn them, the poetry of a photo, the inspiring echo of some words.
Instantly, softness triggers a soothing effect. It is reassuring, wraps us up. But it isn’t all : observe how in this
state of awareness time stretches, present acquires a muffled thickness,
the mind melts with the senses and opens the door of the spirit.
